Thoughts on my son running away

I had so much to say that day last week when Cameron decided to “go for a walk” but we all needed time to process what had happened and why.

We touched briefly on it in our therapy session last night and it actually helped me make sense of it all.

Every afternoon I fetch the kids from school – 4/5 afternoons I am waiting at the gate for them. The other day I may be a few minutes late and they end up walking to the car. But I am ALWAYS there.

On the way home we chat about their day – I can see when they walk to the car if they had a good day or a bad day and we talk a lot about what happened. Who got shouted at, who fell, who was naughty, who they played with etc etc. We TALK! Cameron has had a rough time with this class – from the sounds of things the collective class is a bit of a handful so they are kept in a lot, teachers shout a lot and he doesn’t enjoy this but it is a part of life and he deals with it.

When get home and we do homework. I sit with them and help them. Some afternoons I will have my laptop out and just supervise what’s going one – I mean they are 8 and 10 and the homework isn’t like Grade 1 where I need to still be very hands on. But I am THERE.

I help them find pictures for projects and print out information. I collect boxes and wobbly eyes for robot projects. I organise Mad Hatter outfits. I am at their sports matches. I bake cup cakes for Cake and Candy.

I am involved. I do the best I can with what I have.

And yet my kid still ran away! He STILL made a stupid decision.

Obviously I am not the perfect parent and our house is far from the Brady Bunch with calm, serene family scenes and fresh bread baking in the oven.

I mess up a lot. I don’t always pay attention. I get annoyed a lot and I shout and I want to be left alone.

I obviously felt hugely responsible for what happened that day. I felt like I had dropped the ball. I had messed up. I hadn’t paid him enough attention. I hadn’t seen the signs – the list goes on and one.

As the parent I am ultimately responsible for what happened that day and it is my responsibility to fix it and make sure it doesn’t happen again and the issues are addressed BUT was it my fault? Am I a bad parent? Am I dooming my child to a life of dysfunction and counselling.

I really don’t think so!

I just think we hit a bump in the road and Cameron choose the wrong path.

We are, as a family, working towards figuring out where the gaps are and things will get better but I suspect there may be bad days again.

I can say though that it was the most terrifying experience I have had as a parent so far!

 

15 thoughts on “Thoughts on my son running away

  1. Lau, we can only the our best! As I always say, we all F*&^ up our kids in our own special way much like our parents did the same to us!

    I’m sure Cameron will survive!

  2. I don’t even want to get into what’s been going on with Megan lately! It’s a nightmare – I get the sense she thinks she can do whatever she likes now because we’re going to take her out of that school…
    I had yet *another* call from the school today!

  3. It sounds to me that you are on the right track by figuring it out… And I don’t think you are to blame!
    Kids also have their worlds where they sometimes make the wrong decisions!

  4. Please don’t blame yourself. I am certain you are doing your best, which is the most important thing and you are taking steps to make things even better.

    Sending you lots of hugs

    xoxo

  5. Oh Laura, I am sure it was so very very scary. It seems that you guys are doing your very best to work on it and that I guess is the important part. Lots of love

  6. “and Cameron choose the wrong path.”
    This is what I’m trying to tell all parents. It’s not our fault as parents when our children do things like these. We’re not bad parents, it’s our children who made the wrong decision.
    What makes us a great parents, is when we try to help them after they made the bad decision, like you did. But we’re never bad parents, because children also have a choice in whether they do the right or wrong thing.
    You all went though a hard time. I hope the future to come, will be easier and more smooth.

  7. I love that you’ve analysed and want to try and let all of you do better, but gosh, he also had a choice in the matter so don’t blame yourself.

    I can only imagine how scary it must have been. Were you a hot mess? I would have been CRYING non-stop. Afterwards, I think.

    That one time when Connor ran into the street, once we were all safe, I just SOBBED! The babies were so quiet just watching me but I couldn’t stop myself.

  8. ((hugs)) can only imagine how scary it was, and glad he was safe.
    I think it’s going to take a while for you all to settle after that.
    So glad you’ve got a more stable host!!

  9. I ran away as a teenager (and am a mom now). I wish my parents hand sent me fore counselling, I wish THEY had gone for counselling too. Speaking from the other side of the fence, yes it is the kid’s choice, BUT its whats going on in their AND their parents lives that leads to this. Its no ones ‘fault’

    • Karen – I totally agree with what you are saying here which is why we have decided to take us all for a family session or two and I am not laying blame solely at my sons door – I am very much responsibly for what happens next!

  10. A few months ago you did that post about parents being responsible for what their kids do and this is EXACTLY what I was trying to say: Ultimately, it doesn’t matter how fantastic a parent you are or how involved you are, your kid CAN make a bad decision. Ultimately, once they step out of your front door, you have no control and all that you can do is hope and pray that they will remember the lessons that they have learned from you.
    When you first posted about what happened, I didn’t think “oh, what has Laura done that made Cameron do this”, instead, I thought “I wonder what is going on in Cameron’s mind”. I LOVE that you recognise that you are responsible for what happens NEXT and I LOVE that you are being proactive. THAT is what makes a good parent.
    All the best, I know that it can’t be easy.
    xx

  11. You are doing the best job you can. You are human, we all lose our rag occasionally.
    At least you’re doing something about it and not burying your head in the sand.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re a great mom, and you said it yourself, youre there!!

Comments are closed.