My dear children, I birthed you all. I know you all better than you know yourself. I know when you are scared, happy, frightened and hungry. I know what makes you anxious. I know where you happy places are. I know you!
I also know where you go to school, who your soccer coach is, who your dance instructor is and how you need your shoes to be tied. I know what I need to know to get you to where you need to be.
What I do not know, however, is where you put your shin pads when you came back from soccer. I do not know where you put your school socks after you wore them. I do not know where your Lightning McQueen car is. I do not know what your English teacher said. I also have no idea where you glasses are or where your personal diary is.
I AM NOT THE ENCYCLOPEDIA KNOW-WHERE-YOUR-STUFF-IS!!! I DON’T WANT TO BE THE ENCYCLOPEDIA KNOW-WHERE-YOUR-STUFF-IS!!!
The good Lord has given you all a beautiful pair of eyes and a brain in your head! USE them to look for YOUR things or even better still – put your things in YOUR room – that way you will know where YOUR stuff is!
Despite popular belief I do not spend my days moving around just to mess with you. A part of me wishes I did have the time to do that!
I love you all more than I love dark Aero chocolate and vanilla flavoured coffee but if one of you ask me one more time where something is I am trading you all in for chocolate and coffee!
PS – please tell your father that the same applies to him!