When I watched Idols for the first time many many years ago I made a promise to myself that I would always be honest to my child. I would never send them off to be ridiculed on national TV of they could not sing (or dance or whatever) because like Stacey said in this post, your kid can not be anything they want to be.
Cameron came home on Thursday very excited because he had received a form from school about provincial swimming trials on the 6 September. He really wanted to go, he wanted to actually go to gym that day so he could start training.
He can swim and he can swim well BUT he has not been in a pool since March and even then it wasn’t really what can be described as training. He was swimming with the school team but I have watched the sessions and there is no passion from the coach, no motivation and no real training. So Cameron really has gotten by on pure talent but as he gets older he has fallen further back because swimming is something that needs constant training and hard work.
So we had to have the discussion. The one where I tell him that I don’t think trying out now is a good idea. I explained how the trials work and why I felt he wasn’t ready, but then to my own detriment, I added “NOT YET”. The “not yet” saved me from being called the “dream crusher” (again). But to be honest, there are times I am ok to be the dream crusher. Sending my kid to swim against some of the fittest, fastest 12 year olds in Gauteng knowing he is not swimming fit, is not fair to him and will do nothing for his self confidence. If he wants to do it, then we need to do it properly.
Every year at this time we have the cricket vs swimming debate. Every year I steer him towards cricket, mainly for my own selfish reasons. I grew up swimming and I know the commitment it takes, not only on is part but on our part too. He does enjoy cricket but I suspect he loves swimming, in fact I know he enjoys it more which is why we still have this discussion every year.
Last night swimming won. When I explained to him why I don’t think he is ready, I also said that IF he decides on swimming, then we will find a club and he can work really hard and be ready to try about next year. He thought about it all weekend, asked me questions, discussed options and finally yesterday he said he chooses swimming. So we go tomorrow to have an evaluation at our local club.
I will admit, I cried a little bit (ok maybe a lot) and mourned the loss of the little bit of spare time we have.
Are you honest with your kids? From the amount of rubbish singers there are on Idols, it seems that not many parents are.
9 Responses
Completely agree with you! As long as he also understands the commitment it’ll take.
Even more of a commitment from the mom’s side! Good luck!
yes I think I will be honest with my children about things like this. I think it’s important to guide them to their strengths and whilst they may enjoy things they are weaker at to allow them to do them for that – enjoyment.
I think I’ll be straight forward and honest.. I hope I will be… I don’t particularly want to be the dream crusher either!
I agree with you wholeheartedly! I’ve watched the Idols tryouts and thought to myself how can a parent allow their child to do this! Hubby and I have the same reasoning in our children and pray that we can have a solid method when approaching these situations as they get older! I’m holding thumbs for you guys and hopefully the enjoyment he gets out of this will make up for the spare time (otherwise I heard Tops has specials on wine ;-} for those late nights!).
I am a bit too honest. Which is a problem. I try to be kind with my words though so it doesn’t feel like a dream crush. I think it’s cool that you are in a position where you know what he’s up against so he can make an informed decision.
Handled like a pro Laura! A went to swim camp the weekend – she is not really where the school team is at (but then half the team swim for Tuks so the competition is super strong). With her is that she does not want to compete – the honest truth is that she is possibly as good as the B team (as one of her friends swam SA!) but nope, she is not interested. She loves the swimming but no more.
One thing though that the Tuks coach said to me this weekend, and that her coach also repeatedly stressed is that the right time to start with serious swim training is around 11/12 – and for most kids not before that – to avoid burn out at the peak time. So in terms of timing – you are doing it perfectly.
In part I agree with you and I see the point which you are making. I do however have slightly different views. I believe that we are too much focused on winning and being at the top, my feeling is that just to participate, to be part of something where your passions lie has incredible value. I firmly believe that my love of poetry and dare I say skill in that area, stems from the encouragemnent which I got from parents and certain teachers who told me that I was good, from as early as when I learned to write . I’ve looked back at those early works and cringed. My writing was at best averarage, however because I was led to believe in myself, I developed my craft, I took it seriously. Later in life I had many works published, won poetry competitions and formed the Durban Live Poets Society. None of those things would have happened if I were not told that I had talent as a child. I acknowledge that sport and art are different. I would not say to my child “You can’t sing” I would rather say, if you love singing let me take you to lessons. My mother in law believed that if she told her children they were good looking they would be vain and horrible, the opposite happened, both sons have very low self esteem because they were never praised, lets face it if your mother doesn’t think you are beautiful who will. The same applied academically, my husband has an honours degree in metalurgical engineering he is a natural genius but he was never praised for his marks at all. Today although being a middle manager he could have been so much more had he been directed to believe in himself. Yikes sorry this is the longest comment I have ever made, I am aware that I went a bit off topic. I did enjoy your post and it provides food for thought.
I would stand by his choice but if he is amore a team player swimming can be a lonely competitive sports. Most competitive swimmers these days are also training daily 365 days of the years to keep on top of their game which also means limited time to try and do any other sports