I don’t want my kids to be assholes.

I saw this shared on Facebook by David’s aunt. It was rather fitting because I have a lot of respect for how she has raised her 3 kids (and David) and none of them are assholes.She had 3 kids in 3 years, I only really realised this this year when the oldest turned 21 and the youngest 18.

Pause for a moment and imagine that – a 3 year old, a newborn and a toddler in the middle (and then David joined the mix at some point).

That deserves respect people! You would almost have forgiven her if one of them were an asshole but they aren’t. In fact two of them got a whole bunch of distinctions for their matric (no 3 is only now in Matric).

But I digress.

One of the things I am rather adamant about is that I don’t want to raise my kids to be assholes. I don’t want them to be that guy at the party that no one wants to talk to because all he does is talk about himself or his money or how he lives at home with his mother and her 20 cats. I don’t want my daughter to be so wrapped up in her beauty that people don’t like her. I don’t want any of them to be that one person that people refer to as the “douchbag at the party”.

I don’t particularly want them to be popular or the life of the party. I do want them to be well rounded, grounded people who treat other people with respect and kindness. A lot of that is predetermined and depends on their personality but more of it, I think, comes from what we, as their parents teach them and expose them too.

I have had people say to me “shame man the poor child” when I have punished them or reprimanded them or said no to them. I am totally ok with that.

My children speak to people with respect, they are polite, they say please and thank you. We don’t buy them everything they ask for. They can’t always go everywhere they want. Sometimes they have to be ok with the Pep shoes. They have to help out. They have have to deal with the consequences of their actions.

It is by no means easy. It is a constant, daily effort that both David and I have to make to make sure we call them on their negative behaviour, remind them to be mindful of others. It is much easier for me to pack the dishwasher when Kiara is throwing a tantrum about doing it but I don’t want her to be an ungrateful brat who can’t do anything for herself, so she can throw the tantrum but as soon as she is done she must pack the dishwasher. It is much easier to buy Jack the sweet he wants (but I know won’t eat) that it is to deal with the tantrum.

Kiara’s class is currently dealing with an issue at school, it involves a bully and collectively the class seem to be standing up to him which is great BUT there is a fine line between “teaching him a less” and becoming bullies themselves and we are having daily chats about this. She can set her personal boundaries with him but she cannot be mean or call him names or get involved in a mob mentality. It is not easy but it is a life lesson I feel she has to learn and learn in properly.

I see so many children today who have total disregard for their parents, teachers and generally anyone they come across. It makes me angry, not with them, but with their parents. Children aren’t born assholes, their parents create them and yes I do judge them a little because they are creating a generation of children who feel entitled to everything, have no regard for the consequences of their actions and are just generally not nice to be around.

Next time you see a parent being “too hard” on their child, give them a pat on the back and say well done because they aren’t raising an asshole and the world needs less assholes!