Raising Boys
I have always found parenting doable. Its been a challenge at times and often you dont know what to do but I have always gone with my gut and done what feels right for me – even if the parenting books and forums believe otherwise!
Its worked so far, my kids have made it. They are functioning and happy and seem to adjusted.
Then my boy child hit Grade 1.
And right now I am really feeling lost out here in the vast expanse that is parenting. My child is angry. Very very angry. All the time.
He lashes out, he yells, he swears, he throws things, he breaks things, he tears things, he hurts me, he hurts his sister.
When he crosses over to his dark side, I get scared. Yes I know he is only 6 (well almost 7) but when he gets angry I am barely stronger than him. So it means that I can not physically restrain him. I cant not smack him – he is too strong for me to hold.
I feel helpless. I am helpless and he knows it.
Last night he crossed over because we asked him to stop bouncing the ball in the house. This was around 4h30. He stomped into his room, threw things around. Swore at us. Ate his dinner while being very rude to both Kiara and I. Locked himself in the bathroom to bath. Then there was more ranting and raving. He got his chalk board and managed to write out sentances of how he hates us all – me, his dad, his sister, his gran, his granpa – yes amazing what anger can do – he was writing words he has never seen.
By bedtime I was exhausted. I have been having these aweful headaches and so eventually asked my mom to come help as he refused to sleep. After much threatening, tears and anger. He fell asleep. But he fell asleep like this. He was apparently getting ready for my mom this morning. While you may giggle (we did) its not really funny. He just has too much anger inside him for a little boy 
It is also the first time that I honestly miss a male presence in his life that can bring him back in line. Just someone who he respects enough to listen to. Because right now that person isnt me!
June 5th, 2009 at 7:20 am
i hear you
June 5th, 2009 at 8:13 am
Sjoe. That is hard. That’s a lot of anger for a 6 yr old. He is going to a child psychologist? The good thing is that he is writing it down and thereby getting it out. Which is what he needs to do.
Headaches? Not possibly from your car-bump the other day?
June 5th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Yes he is seeing a pyschologist Shayne!
No headaches have been around for weeks now
Going to the Dr today
June 5th, 2009 at 8:27 am
That is hard. I’m really sorry that you are having to go through this.
I am not completely sure what the “correct” way would be in terms of dealing with this. From what I understand by talking to my friends who have this type of problem is that different interventions work for different kids. Two of my friends swear by a Play Therapist. Apparently it has made the world of difference with their “angry” kids.
I hope that you find the answer soon…
xx
June 5th, 2009 at 8:47 am
Geez! He must have been really angry to go to bed like that. I’m sorry you’re having a rough time Laura. I hope he snaps out of it soon.
June 5th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Sjoe LK it is tough hey. I find my 2 respond best to a firm hand. I have to play hard-ball with them, and cannot be soft or go to easy on them. It also helps they they are in a strict and structured ‘old school’ values school.
What works for me is to have firm boundaries and only relax those when they are complying, when they step out of line they get brought in hard and fast, and then have to stay there to be given lee-way again.
I can;t say I am right and in some respects I think my kids are a little too controlled and have too much responsibility and expectation on them, but we seem to function quite well like this, so this is how it is for now I guess.
June 5th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
awwwww…that’s so sad.a big hug for you and for cameron. xoxox
June 5th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Wow. I hate that you’re going through this and I hate even more that I don’t have advice to give you to help him through this. Something has clearly happened to give him so much anger or to make him feel the way he is, but figuring out exactly what it is could take a while. Just be sure to show him your love for him never wavers, even when he acts his worst, although I’m sure it must be hard to do so at times when you’re overcome with it.
June 5th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Boys def can be a mystery.. But I dont think his anger is about being a boy. My brother was a broody/violent kid…and it was horrible to live with.
I think the best is to try find out what is the reason for his anger, more for him as well as everyone else.
Just hang in there, he loves you but its obviously a difficult time for him and he needs his mom more than he is able to show..
June 5th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
I have been there! 2nd grade was HORRIBLE for Haley and I have to attribute a lot of that to her teacher. They just were not a good match (and she was a psycho bitch!) I have had those feelings a lot, that I can’t control her, she has no respect etc. Just remember kids want boundaries! The more he sees that you do not have control the more out of control he feels (IMO) Try reading 123 Magic I really think it works (google it)
Also when he crosses over I would get down on his level and tell him you understand that he’s upset right now but he is NOT allowed to treat his family members like this and put him in his room. If he won’t stay in his room, get a lock for the door. Sounds harsh but I would do it if he is physically lashing out at you. Extreme behavior calls for extreme measures!
Again I have been there! While I am sorry you are going through this it is nice to know my child isn’t the only one who acts out like t his!
June 5th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Shoowee… has he seen a therapist of any kind Laura? Thats a lot to deal with on your own.
June 5th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Shame man Laura! What to say? Maybe get him a punching bag to get the anger out?
June 5th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Angel – I get feedback from the pysch on monday! Will take it from there
Shuia – am going to chat to his judo instructor on monday to see if he can maybe also help out with releasing the aggression!
June 6th, 2009 at 12:52 am
Wow! Has his behavior been getting worse? If it has then maybe it’s time to go in another direction? Sometimes you just have to try other things.
June 6th, 2009 at 9:53 am
You’ve had a lot of advice here and I could give you more but I know he’s seeing a therapist and that person is best qualified to give you advice to repair whats going on in his life and in his head.
All I can give you is my sympathy and understanding. I know what you’re going through. Its tiring and frustrating and you feel hopeless as a parent in that moment.
You’re doing a great job and hang in there..things can only get better *hugs*
June 6th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
Hectic Laura, hope you find a solution
I don’t have any more advice for you
June 6th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
Yikes. This must be tough on the entire lot of you – I’m sorry to hear it.
That said, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this exact same scenario and behavior at the exact same age. And, it does get better with fierce love and patience. I will promise you that.