Personal Boundaries
I spend a lot of time online.
I am on twitter. I blog. I comment on blogs. I am on gatorpeeps. I am on Facebook.
I do all of that as Laura-kim. I always have.
I blog/tweet about pretty much every detail of my life. My kids, my emotions, my friends, the men I date.
It is a decision I made to be me and to be this open.
BUT I am very aware of other peoples personal boundaries. I am aware that they are not necessarily set where mine are. Its why I wont mention the names of boys I date or post pics of us. It is my story and while I am ok with you knowing thing, they may not be. Its also why you know more about some guys than others. I always ask if they will be ok being mentioned and if they say no then I respect that.
Not everyone gets this though. A friend of mine is battling with this. His personal boundaries are not being respected. He is being forced to deal with a situation that really is a personal one, online. Its not on.
It would be very easy for either, Plane Boy or I to bring our relationship out onto twitter or blogging but why would you want to do that? Relationships are personal private things that really shouldn’t be put out there for public viewing or public participation.
Obviously I am not saying never ever do it. Angel and Glugster are open with their immense love for each other and its awesome to be allowed to be apart of that. But it’s a choice THEY have made as a couple. And they aren’t about to bring a fight out on twitter (if they ever do actually fight).
I understand it is one of the challenges of online relationships – even friendships I suppose. You do stand the risk of things coming out that you don’t really feel the need for everyone to know.
But surely you should then err on the side of caution and either discuss with the person first or keep it offline! It really just boils down to respect for the other person.
July 31st, 2009 at 8:55 am
hahahahahhaaaaaaaaaa. poor dave. i never once asked him if it was okay to write about him on my blog/twitter etc. whoops.
i don’t think he really minds though. (dave if you ever read the: YOU ARE SO HOT)
July 31st, 2009 at 8:55 am
and that would be: “if you ever read THIS”. comment typos. bah.
July 31st, 2009 at 9:33 am
I’m 200% with you. I choose aspects of my life that I’m comfortable bringing into a public forum through blogging/writing/twitter/facebook and respect others to also have their own boundaries.
July 31st, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I agree and I also make sure the person doesn’t mind me posting pictures etc before I do it and I try not to talk about too many personal details, or things that we haven’t done and been seen doing in public anyway.
With C I was very careful not to mention anything, or upload pics of him (he had a whole one picture on the whole of the Internet before I did) etc. Some guys want personal relationship so personal that on-one besides you and them even know there is anything going on. Many of the guys I have known have been like this. Cool one-on-one but in public they are almost ‘do I even know you?’. Ok not quite that bad… but they don;t want to be soppy or physical in front of friends, and family etc.
Anyway it is really refreshing to now have someone who wants to be open in private AND public and is happy and even proud to share photos and comments etc….
July 31st, 2009 at 12:32 pm
I am so with you on this!
Glugs and I share our relationship through our blogs and through Twitter- and our other online toys- partly because its where we met, but mostly because it is our lives. Its what we blog about. And we have so many friends that we’ve met through the blogosphere and tweeting… how could we not share some stuff!
We have the same standards in terms of what we will and won’t share too, which is awesome.
I am also very careful about how I talk about people. My friends and family are never mentioned by name on my blog unless they’re bloggers I can link to- in which case they get an alias- and I am careful to ask if I may do so before putting pictures up.
I hope your friend can find some kind of solution soon…its not at all pleasant, and were it me- I may be put off the interweb completely.
Oh, and after almost 20 months, we have yet to have a fight. Seriously.
July 31st, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I plead ignorance as I use all Real names and post tons of photos of family, friends, everything. I share my life in pictures. Thats what I do because thats how open I am. Perhaps to my determent one day? who knows…
July 31st, 2009 at 8:52 pm
I understand completely. i think it’s really bad that a blogger is spewing info about someone without them allowing it.
July 31st, 2009 at 11:57 pm
I never write about relationships I’m currently in! If I write about a woman, it’s only after I know she and I won’t be interacting again. I also change identifying details, just in case. I did have one woman know about my blog, and say I could write about her. I did – and then it bugged her what I wrote! So, I won’t do that again.
As for public shows of love and affection on twitter – I personally think it’s a little silly. It’s like getting on the intercom in high school and professing your love for someone, for all your classmates to hear. I think true sentiments from the heart and best shown in more private ways. But, that’s just me, and only one opinion. I can choose not to read twitter if it gets all lovey dovey.
August 2nd, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Brian and I was very public… so our break-up was very hard because everyone wanted to know what was going on and neither of us was sharing… it was difficult hurting so much, so publically… one would have thought that I would know better, but when I met Noid… I was also public, possibly because I have ALWAYS been public and I think Noid was a little awe struck by my online persona which is very much as big as my normal one LOL
If I could go back perhaps I would blog/twitter/FB allot more confidentially but I’m a fuckwit that way that loves an audience.
August 2nd, 2009 at 9:13 pm
My DH doesn’t really like the idea that I blog so I blog very little about him and don’t always publish photos about him on my blog or flickr (unless he agrees)… but I did convince him to join FB. It is sometimes difficult not to include him in a blogpost, but I do respect his request not be published.