Harassed Mom

I suppose it was inevitable since I dont blog anonymously that I would meet men through my blog or through something related to my blog like twitter.

Which is how I met Mr Roses and now the most recent addition – who I still do not know what to call.

Now this opens up a whole new world of problems. It was a big thing for me when I started with Mr Roses – think we chatted about it on date 1. We move in the same circles, we have common friends, we go to the same places (when he is here) – so what happens when thing dont work?

Well as it turned out it was a non-issue for us. We have made the transition back to friendship pretty easily. YAY for happy endings?

I am not so sure. The friend issue is solved but what about the blogging? He still reads my blog and I dont mind it at all. BUT it does make me think twice about blogging things about a potential new fellow friend. I know how he feels about it so its more me projecting how I would feel if it were the other way around. It doesnt censor me – just makes me more aware of how I phrase things.

Then there is new people going forward. Mr New Boy and I are still very new but he reads my blog, every day. I dont mind. We did have to have the chat very early on about what he was comfortable with being shared versus what I wanted shared. The common consensus was that I can write about anything as long as he gets a heads up. Fair comment. I think.

What is so great about the person you dating NOT knowing about your blog is that you get to write about your fears, your hopes, your irritation, your anger. You get to work through it move on.

You cant really do that when the person has you in their reader.

Mr Sexy, Mr Ex and I suspect Soccer Boy on occasion also all read Harassed Mom. I cant ask them to stop. They know it exists. It will be like telling a child not to touch the cup cakes and then leaving them locked in a room 2 feet from the cakes.

So now the question – how do you deal with it?

Do you respect that persons wishes and keep things private and have to work through things on your own? Do you move your blog? Do you totally disregard their feelings and post it all and they have to deal with it? Do you password protect posts about them and not give them the passwords? Do you just not date people who know your blog exists?

It is a dilema.

When I started blogging I had a core of single mom readers and a few real life friends. The single moms (and dads) were mainly from the States. I searched for them because I am a single mom and was feeling a little isolated in my single momdom!

Then I discovered the South African world of blogging and my little circle increased. It was nice connecting with people who live nearby. People who I will actually get around to meeting.

And as you all know I have done the internet dating thing to death! It was horrible and apart from Soccer Boy (which really didnt go that well either) I got very little positive out of it!

The idea of possible meeting someone through my blog only occured to me when I discovered that Angel and Glugster met through their blogs! She was a single mom with a now teenage son and has found happiness and love!

So this then got me thinking – how would I feel if someone who reads my blog showed an interest? Or if I read someones blog and I showed interest?

Its something I am not entirely sure about just yet! For a few reasons.

First being that I blog about everything – the good, the bad, the pain, my disfunction, my ex, my feelings about people I have dated – its all out there!

Right now Mr Sexy reads my blog and he reads my twitter feed – I dont mind purely because we have built a really amazing friendship and he knows alot of it anyway and we will never be more than friends. Mr Heartbreaker and Soccer Boy have the link but I dont think either of them actually read it! Again I dont mind because both have become friends and whatever I blog about them they know!

My issue is that should I meet someone through my blog they have an “advantage”, for want of a better word! They know all the bad stuff, they know all the good stuff, they have seen me hurt, they know my strenghts and they know my weakenesses AND they know my dating history!

Second problem is its MY space! My space to come and vent about things. I dont want to have to edit or moderate that for fear of hurting his feelings! Yes I will respect the relationship and the person but if I feel like sharing I want to still be able to without it ending in drama!

Which brings me to the next point – what if it goes wrong? I am not sure I will be ok having him still read about my life?Which may sound totally immature but seriously if we break up – why would I want him to remain a part of my life in such an intimate way?

I realise that there also may be advantages of someone knowing me this well and intimately. They will have a better understanding of me and where I am at in my life and the challenges I face!

I also get I am possible over analysing this but it is something that has me thinking! Maybe I need to take Ts advice and let it be - cross that bridge should I come to it!

But it is an interesting concept – can blogging be used as a dating tool?