Harassed Mom

I spent almost the entire time I was watching soccer this afternoon typing up a blog post but then my blackberry had a moment and refused to publish it so I have to now rewrite it all.

Today was one of those days where you are insanely busy but get nothing done. I didn’t stop from the moment I walked in until the second I walked out.

But it was a good day. There were many highlights like

• Getting all the kids summer uniforms for free Our school has a second hand shop with excellent quality stuff. The idea is that you swop what you have for what you want and pay a R10 swopping fee. (Provided you have stuff, if you don’t then you buy at a ridiculously low price). Because I bought back so much stuff the lady decided to give me everything for free. Hows that hey!
• Chatting to Cheryl-anne and feeling more positive about life in general.
• Finding the kids stuff for dress up day tomorrow at the first shop I went to. They have to go dressed as a character out of a book. They are both going as cowboys/girls.
• Walking around Brooklyn with Kiara with her two guns in their holsters tied around her waste shooting bread rolls.
• Getting home to a lovely cooked meal made by my most awesome boyfriend.

I am super glad tomorrow is Friday. Even though I am in meetings all morning we are going out for lunch and then its 2 days with my special little family

Hope you are having a good week.

I have been sitting here staring at this blank screen for ages now – pretty much on and off since 7h30!

And I have nothing to say. How awful is that?

I have lots I want to say but just can’t seem to say it.

I did manage a F2F post though and another one here where I am looking for all SA moms to add their link!

We had a lovely weekend with a birthday party where my son who has never played ten-pin bowling before did so very well – he got the whole run up and throw thing in no time! Kiara had the whole “drop and hope” thing going on!

Saturday night we went to a restaurant in Design Quarter for dinner with Davids friends. We have been together for nearly 8 months and spent a fair amount of time with his friends (and their partners obviously) and yet I still really battle connecting with them! For some reason I feel like a mom and old when I am with them. Its more my insecurities than anything they do!

Mothers Day was calm! I studied, the kids caused chaos in the house and David watched some movies and took Cameron to have his hair cut. We had a huge lunch my mom made which was DIVINE And then David and I napped. It was glorious!

I write two exams this week on Wednesday and Thursday so I am at home until Friday! Its really a little piece of heaven.

Right now I am off to gym and then its back to the books!

Hope you all had a lovely weekend!

It doesn’t actually feel like we had a weekend at all.

It was go go go the whole time! A few of the highlights.

• Saturday afternoon we had a braai with Sally and Sharon – sort of a mini farewell. It was a fun evening with laughter, wine and awesome food. I am going to miss you my friend.
• Sunday morning was a catch up with my mom and my aunt over coffee and instantly the chaos and noise was back in our house!
• Then we headed off to the Botanical Gardens for my birthday picnic. Little bit of chaos though because most of the people went to Emmarentia. SORRY GUYS!!!!
• It was a lovely afternoon. I really have some special friends. Alot of us don’t talk daily or see each other that often but when we do it feels like just yesterday when we were together. Love you guys the most.
• I got some stunning gifts – including a purse, a bag, a vase and a gift voucher and a stunning gown from Davids mom.
• We got home at about 18h30 last night after coffee and chips at Davids mom
• The only downer of the weekend was Kiara and her nose bleeds She had one in the car on the way home last night that started just after William Nicol and only stopped after New Road (and we sat in traffic). It was about the 4th one over the weekend. Not so much fun.

But over all the weekend was perfect. Jeanette has some pics up from yesterday!

• I went out now – mainly to get out of the office but also because its Valentines Day on Sunday and I have yet to purchase my cute red teddy and heart shaped chocolates.
• It is beautiful outside today. The sun is shining, its not too hot – its just really beautiful. I always envy people who aren’t office bound, they get to experience beautiful days – even if it is sitting in the car driving from here to there.
• My brand new PC has been installed and set up. It’s all so grand. I have had the other PC since I joined the bank 9 years ago!
• I bought a roll of sweets while I was trying to find a suitable pink teddy and red shaped heart chocolates for David – I have been really good on snacking on proper things but have totally lost my appetite the last 2 days so figure strawberry mentos won’t  really make a huge difference.
• Kiara has moved 25 steps back. We are back to not wanting to eat, waking at night, there have been night tantrums 2 nights in a row now. I feel very defeated.
• I chatted to one of my oldest and closest friends this morning. He is loving life in the States – it was nice catching up.
• I have one more assignment left to do. Am very excited about it actually. I have to write up a multi-cultural health campaign. Its a bit scary but also exciting.
• Thank you to everyone who commented on my earlier post – means alot. I am very tender at the moment. Feel like I have been beaten up by a gang of baseball yielding bikers. But this too shall pass – we know this

This morning I posted a rant post.

I was frustrated and stressed and needed to vent and what better place to do that than here. I did actually feel better after posting – it does sometimes help to just get it out.

BUT then I received a DM from Tanya saying that the kids bags had been sorted. And just as I was replying to her I received a mail from Wenchy asking what exactly I needed and how much it all was.

I have just received an sms notification that money has been transferred to my account – enough money to buy the remaining things the children need for school.

I honestly have no words that accurately express my gratitude to all of you who contributed. A simple thank you just doesn’t seem enough. But THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart THANK YOU. No one has ever done such a kind thing for me for no reason other than they are my friend – never mind a whole lot of people.

I was talking to David today about how strange it has been for me learning to lean on him. I have always dealt with things on my own – it is a strange feeling when suddenly I have someone insisting on helping, wanting to make my life easier!

I didn’t realize until today that I don’t just have him – I have you guys too.

So again THANK YOU! I love you all more than you know!

Gratitude is the memory of the heart.  ~Jean Baptiste Massieu, translated from French

I had my PA on Friday, it went well. During the chat my boss said something that really is so very true, she said “everyone wants to be recognised”.

I think its perfectly natural to want that. To want to be acknowledged for what we have done. It doesnt always have to be formal, public acknowledgment. Sometimes someone simply saying Well Done or Thank You is enough.

My matric english teacher was the first person who acknowledged my writing. She would encourage me, spend extra time with me and validate my stories and poems. Jeanette acknowledged me as a blogger and her validation and encouragement and support really are why I still blog.

When Wenchy called me that day, she believed in me. She encouraged me. She knew I would get through it. Her constant and honest support over the last year has gotten me through many rough days.

On Brothers and Sisters on Thursday Justin said to Rebecca “you make me possible”. It makes all the difference in the world when you have support and encouragement from people you trust and love. While he doesn’t always understand why I want to do some of the things I want to do – David supports me. He believes in me. He believes I can do just about anything. It makes me want to achieve things. It makes me want to be better and do more.

You all make me possible.

Yesterday was Wenchy and Dions engagement/thanksgiving party. For the past 9 years Christel has done a thanksgiving lunch.

She gathers her closest family and friends and has a lunch and everyone gives thanks for the things and people over the past year.

This was the first year I attended and I was a total nerd. When Dion gave his engagement speech – the tears started and they didnt stop. The more people (people I didnt know) were thankful the more I cried. Real tears people. When it came to my turn I couldnt speak and quickly handed over to Angel – THANK YOU ANGEL for allowing me to divert the spot light.

I cry. Its what I do – when I am happy, sad, angry, frustrated – I cry and let me tell you, listening to so much gratitude can be overwhelming. But I am so sorry I bailed because I have so much to be thankful for. So much I wanted to say.

So as bloggers do I am going to blog it!

These are the things I am thankful for (there are more – many more but I dont want to bore you all)

My real life friends – collectively I am thankful for you all. I am not sure I would have made it through this year without you. There are a few people I have to single out. My bestest friend in the whole world – Tessa – I can not express how thankful I am for her. She believes in me like no other person I have ever known – if you ask her she will tell you that I can run the Comrades. Ansie – I am thankful her door is always open. Her silent support has kept me going many days. Jeanette – I am thankful for your words, your comments, your kindess. Wenchy – I love you – that is all. ExMi – for someone so young in years you have given me some of the most invaluable, wise  advice this year. You tell it like it is and I am thankful for that.

I am thankful for my blogging friends. Those of you who come past here every day and leave words of comfort, support, encouragement. I dont know many of you but I am thankful for you all. Again I have to mention two ladies Quest for T and Huckdoll. These two ladies have been through so much of the same emotions I have this year. We have experienced the same heartache. We have felt the same intense pain. And we have survived. I think T is the only person I know who knows how hard it is for us to be loved. We have come out of it, stronger and happier. And we have all ended the year in love and being love.

I am thankful for my boyfriend. I am thankful for the way he loves me. The way he holds my hand. The way he looks at me. The way he lets me talk and talk about stuff he really isnt interested about. I am thankful that he doesnt fight with me – even when I try really hard at 4h30 in the morning to fight with him. I am just thankful he chose me to love.

I am thankful for my job. I may hate it but I am thankful for it. Thankful I work such flexible hours. Thankful I get a salary each month. Thankful its close to my house.

I am thankful for my children. Who love me despite the mistakes I make, despite the yelling. I am thankful they love me despite my failings. I may not make mother of the year but they love me, the draw me with a smile on my face – I am thankful for that.

I have been blessed this year. I have been loved this year. I have been happy. I have had many many people leave footprints on the path that is my life – some will last a life time and some wont but I will remember them all. They are the feet that grounded me this year. Feet that stood firmly underneath me when I couldnt do it on my own. They are the feet of my family and my friends and I will love them all forever.

I am writing this post from my boyfriends flat while watching The Proposal.

I am all on my own. David is in Cape Town – granny is turning 70 (happy happy gran). The kids are with their father. And I purposefully made no plans for tonight.

It has been months since I have had a kid-free, boyfriend free night. While I am missing them all terribly I am kinda loving the calm. I hhave hired dvds, eaten sushi, drunken wine, made extra butter popcorn and just generally done nothing. It has been great.

I am planning on an early night as I was up early this morning to drop my most awesome man at the airport, then headed to the Irene Market with my mom and found the most beautiful things, and ended the afternoon with Louisas baby shower – where there was MUCH baby-ness an d I promise you that kid has more clothes for her first year than I have had in all my 31 years. But its always so nice to chill with my friends.

I have Christels Thanksgiving tomorrow so have to leave the house at 12h00 – I plan on getting out of bed at 11h30

OOOHHH and I found a dress. After trying on 6 dresses this morning and feeling like a blob of lard, I had decided I was going in my jeans when Jeanette (and ExMi) offered their closests. Second dress of Jeanettes I tried on fitted and looked so cute. So its all sorted. Thanks Jeanette and thanks ExMi for offering.

And that folks is all from me

So it appears when you are in love then you have nothing to say and when you do have something to say its in bullet points.

I am very tired today. Kiara was up for about an hour last night – was all very calm and there was no fighting and she went back to sleep each time she woke (three in total) but I am not one of those people who can fall back to sleep immediately!

It is our end of year lunch today – means I get to leave the office early – which is nice for a friday afternoon.

The kids are with their dad this weekend. I am so hestitant to get used to having the alone time but am looking forward to it. AND Plane Boy leaves for Cape Town tomorrow morning (very very very early) – so it really is an alone time weekend.

I have lots happening this weekend – DVDs at Plane Boys tonight, airport first thing tomorrow, then the Irene Market with my mom, Louisas baby shower and then I think I may sleep on sat evening – early. Sunday is Christel and Dions engagement/thanksgiving lunch – am VERY excited. On my way to that I have to find a dress for the wedding we have next weekend or I will be going in my jeans! Proper or not!

And that really is all I have to say today!

We held our Lent for Liam thanksgiving functions this weekend.

We had one in Cape Town and one in Joburg.

I was initially disappointed in the lack of response from people but the afternoon at Cool Runnings was awesome and I realised that charity really does begin at home.

The people who were there on saturday are my home. They are my friends. The ones I turn to when I need advise. They are the ones who listen to me cry. They are the ones who share my happiness. They are the ones who make me feel safe.

So it really was the perfect way to spend our first Lent for Liam Thanksgiving, giving thanks for each other and the love we bring to each others lives.

So thank you soooo much to Leigh-anne and Barend, Louisa, Jeanette,(Jeanette has more pics of the afternoon up) Angel and Glugster, ExMi (who was looking super pretty) and the Boyfriend, Kerri and Craig and of course to Wenchy and Noid and my very special boyfriend!

We did manage to raise some money too Not sure what happened in Cape Town yet but it sounded like the rain chased everyone away

Love you guys all lots and lots.