We are taught that we should respect and love other people. We are taught to use kind words and speak gently when we deal with other people. Never wanting to upset them or hurt their feelings.
So why is it, that when we speak to ourselves, we use awful and hurtful words?
We don’t rest when we are exhausted, we work ourselves to the bone. We call ourselves fat and ugly.
We poke at our hips, we mock our bodies and tut in disgust at the stretch marks, the extra weight we’ve picked up, the lines that have over the years, accumulated on our faces.
We use beauty creams to slow down the process of ageing and we try every fad diet that comes on the market.
We date people who treat us badly, we think it’s okay to let them hurt us. We show them that we don’t respect ourselves so it’s okay if they don’t respect us either.
The truth is, “we accept the love we think we deserve.” Isn’t that a tragic truth to admit?
We let people love us, the same way we love ourselves. If we don’t respect ourselves, why would anyone else respect us?
If we don’t give ourselves the time we need to rest and recover, how can we expect our bodies to not fall apart, feel fragile, be weak?
We need to change the relationship that we have with ourselves
We need to start practising self-love, self-care and kindness.
We need to start watching the words we use to describe ourselves.
We need to stop being “humble” and putting our achievements down.
We need to start taking ownership of the great and successful and powerful human beings that we are.
We need to stop playing small and start accepting compliments that people pay us.
Ask yourself, how many times has someone said “you look lovely” and you’ve responded with “oh but the bags under my eyes” or “oh but I look so tired” instead of owning the compliment and standing tall and saying “thank you” just two simple words that change everything.
Instead of downplaying ourselves we should start accepting that yes, we actually really do look lovely!
There’s a huge tendency of women to play their achievements down instead of embracing them. That degree you got, it wasn’t by luck. It was hours, days, years of hard work and sacrifice. That job you’ve got, you didn’t accidentally fall into it. No, you worked until you were exactly the right person with the right skills and the right experience for the job. STOP making yourself smaller than you are.
Stop filling the smallest possible space in the world.
I truly believe that the most important relationship we can ever have, is the one we have with ourselves.
No one else can change the way you feel about yourself. No one can give you the tools that you need to start living in a way that is kinder to yourself, but you. Only you have the power to change everything about the way the world sees you. How do you do that? You start with yourself. You start changing the way you speak to yourself, the way you speak about yourself and the way you teach people they can speak about you.
When someone speaks to you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, have the courage to walk away from that situation and that idea of who you are and what you are willing to accept.
You have the power within yourself to start loving yourself and treating yourself like a person of value. A person who brings value to the room. A person with great ideas and interesting things to say. You are valuable. You need to start believing that about yourself so that others can do the same.
There is no greater relationship than the one we have with ourselves. You have the power within you and it starts with you! It starts now! From now on, only treat yourself the way you would someone who you truly loved.
Start treating yourself with the same respect that you give others. Start treating yourself with the respect you deserve. Start learning to love yourself for who and what you are now. Not the who you could be if you only changed these things about yourself. Starting today, learn to love and accept yourself. You are perfectly you! You are worthy!
This was such an important post for me to share in this series because it is something we forget so quickly when we become mothers. If you missed the first two posts, you can read Luchae’s post here and Megan’s here.
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