Entitlement is the millenials cross to bare

There has been a story doing the rounds about a rape case in America. It has caused a worldwide stir, rightly so but I am not linking back to it and I am not mentioning the name of the rapist. As vile as what he did was and I agree that the punishment did not match the crime, I do not believe it is fair to make him carry the sins of rapists everywhere on his shoulders. I hate how we collective cyber bully someone but feel it’s justified because he is a criminal.

Anyway that is not the point of this post. I have read the victims letter and a lot of the subsequent blog posts and opinions and tried to make sense of it all as both a boy mom and a girl but more importantly as the mom of a teen boy.

The below really really stood out for me and I have actually blogged about arrogance vs confidence(obviously not in relation to rape.)

“This here is the problem: some guys are entitled pricks, and they’re entitled pricks because their fathers and coaches and friends taught them to be entitled pricks. Because they are entitled pricks, they think they can have whatever they want, and that their worth is defined by what they have and what they take.” Matt Lang

This sums up what happened and why for me and it is something that I am extremely aware of, especially because my children, especially my son, show signs of entitlement and I do not like it. Parents today lead very different lives to those of our parents, our lives are faster, busier and more stressful and as a result many of us (and I include myself here) throw things at our kids. Here is what you wanted for your birthday, here is a new gaming console because you got a B, here is a new pair of shoes bought on my credit card because I know your friends have one, her is a chocolate just you will not wail in the shop!

We have all done and there were instances our parents did it but they were the exception not the rule. I don’t remember being bribed with a treat to behave in the shops, it was “Behave or you will get a whack”. Regardless of your views on smacking, the fact is that it set boundaries and we are falling short as parents today of setting proper boundaries for our children and they will ultimately  be the ones who pay the price.

I have seen young people behave like assholes because they feel they are entitled to. I have seen both my older children do it. It is ugly but it is a result of how we parent them! We allow them to behave that way because, I think, we are worried if we don’t they will not like us but we have it all wrong. Our kids don’t have to like us, it is not our job to get them to like us, parenting is not a popularity contest, it is our job to make sure that they do not act like entitled pricks and hurt other people as a result. Honestly if my kid not liking me is the price I pay for not having to face the media and explain why he (or she) committed some awful crime, it is a price I am willing to pay.

I see the coaches and parents and friends Matt refers to every single time we go to a gala. These children are elevated to a level above everyone else because they are achieving extraordinary things. Those achievements should be celebrated and acknowledged but that child is not entitled to a different set of rules. It is so easy, as the parent, to also get caught up in it all. Look my kid is the best, he is breaking records and winning medals, isn’t he amazing. I do it, many of you do it – it is natural. What is not natural is creating the belief in that child that they are better than anyone else and that the rules of society do not apply to them. What is not natural is reality TV shows parading young girls and boys around like they are walking, talking Barbie dolls and in doing so creating a very distorted view of reality for them.

Teenagers are mish mash of hormones and emotions that they have no idea what to do with, if they are guided (or misguided) in a certain way by those they love and respect they will go that way because they know nothing else. It is our job as parents to make sure that the route we guide them is the right one. The one where they know right from wrong, stay grounded and make the smart choice. The one where they are the boys chasing the rapist, not the rapist.

Parenting is hard and some days (probably most days), you want to chose the easier road but you can’t, not because it’s the right thing to do but because you owe it your child to teach them how to be decent human beings!