During a PE swimming lesson at high school one of my classmates came up to me said “You have lost weight, you have a gap between your thighs.” It broke down my already fragile self confidence a little more and I still judge my “thin-ness” by the gap between my thighs. I have had issues with my body pretty much since I can remember. I was always the chubby chick. I have always had rolls in all the wrong places. My tummy has always been too big. I have done weigh-less, I have used drops and potions and I even once went on those machines that jiggle away your fat.
But here I am a few months away from 40, still overweight, still wondering if the thigh gap is only reserved for a select few! About two year years ago I reached my Weigh-Less goal weight and I felt awesome. Then life happened and I turned to food to make it all better. The more Emma cried the more I ate. The less money we had, the more food I ate. The more stressed David become, the more I ate. The more issues my kids had, the more I ate. Every time a client left, the more I ate.
I pretty much ate, non-stop.
If you have ever done Weigh-Less before you will know it works on portion control – you can have 3 carbs, 2 proteins etc. Well I stuck to those numbers, sort of. I cut the loaf of bread in half and counted it as one carb. The mince piled high on my spaghetti was one protein. The dried fruit covered in sugar was a fruit.
Needless to say, this is not how Weigh-Less works, it’s actually not really how any diet works to be honest. My pants started getting tighter, my arms started wobbling, my pretty short shorts were now obscene and I had to buy a bigger belt.
Life is slightly easier now so I am trying to focus on what I eat and avoid the bad choices but the weight will not budge. I am slowly started to wonder if the fact that I am fast approaching 40 is contributing to this.
Also, for the first time, I am kinda ok with the muffin top. Well no that’s not right, I am not ok with it, I am accepting that these extra few kgs may be a new part of me. I like to eat. I like apple crumble and hot bread with butter and cheese. I love cookies and chocolate. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life weighing and counting and feeling bad about everything I put in my face but I also don’t want to buy a bigger size pair of jeans.
I don’t like gym. I love yoga and I will get back into my yoga routine but I don’t want to do more than that. I don’t want to cycle until I can’t breathe. I don’t want to pick up weights and lung across the gym. No I am not going to learn to love it because I have done it enough to know I do not want to do it.
So here I am at a crossroad with myself – to eat or not to eat. Or maybe the question is rather to learn to accept or not? I wish accepting yourself was as simple as stating “I accept myself” but it is not. It is a process. It appears that the process is called “You are almost 40, the weight doesn’t fall off as easily anymore.”
In light of this I am considering starting a 40s diet that includes cake, chocolate, burgers and camembert cheese! What do you think?
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