People say the oddest things!

Just for any new readers and a refresher for old readers who don’t see me regularly – below is my family (also found here)

There is Cameron – he is 9 and his father and I are no longer together and he is coloured. (So in another words David is NOT related to him by blood)

Jackcameron

Then there is Kiara – she is 7 and has the same father as Cameron so is also coloured.

Kiara

Lastly is baby Jack – David is his dad (and I am his mom) which makes Cameron and Kiara his half siblings.

Jack

And then obviously there is David and I.

IMG_0320bw

So what is the point of this show and tell I hear you ask? Well see what is obvious to me is not so obvious to the rest of the world it appears.

I have been asked once in Cameron and Kiara’s lives if they were adopted – that’s ONCE in 7 years.

Jack is 4 months old and I have already been asked if HE is adopted once and on numerous occasions I have been asked if he is my baby.

Each time I am left speechless.

I am white – Jack is white – Cameron and Kiara aren’t so WHY would the obvious be that JACK is adopted?

The lady who said this to me saw my confusion and went on to say something along the lines of “adoption is no big deal and quiet common these days” – I am not so sure these ladies would think its no big deal but I just smiled at her and explained he was mine and walked away.

I have also been told on separate occasions by different people that Cameron and Kiara look like David – in fact someone actually said that Cameron was the spitting image of David? Really? LIKE REALLY?

Now I am not sure if people just say stuff for the sake of saying it? Or if they believe what they are saying.

It is pretty obvious when all 5 of us are together that we are not all from the same place and I honestly do not mind questions but silly comments and statements make me want to kick your shins and squish my ice cream on your forehead!

But what really prompted this post was this post by Melinda. I often find myself thinking (and saying) – well he/she gets that from you to David about something the kids have done and like Melinda when new drs ask questions about the kids I actually think about David’s side – I was aware of this when I recently completed Kiara’s OT forms and considered David’s behaviour/history.

I could actually put forward a very strong argument for the side of nurture in the whole nature vs nurture debate because I can see the older kids doing and saying and behaving more and more like David as the days go by.

Our family may not be joined to each other by blood but our bond is just as unbreakable and our love for each other just as real and lasting.

So we will suffer the stupid people’s questions for now :)

Blending Families

When we showed the children the new house they were super excited but that has worn out a little. They are battling to understand why we can’t move now so right now it still doesn’t seem realy.

But they do understand we are moving in with David and they are busy processing it all in there own way.

Cameron doesn’t talk. He keeps it all in until the lid pops off and then he yells and shouts and gets it all out. Not the most effective way of dealing with life and we are trying to get him to talk more but it’s a battle.

He did have one of his out bursts a few weeks ago. It was mainly about his father but he also said that David was going to leave next year and then what! He was more confused than angry at this point and it honestly broke my heart. His pain and confusion and fear – it hurts! I tried hard to explain David isn’t going to leave but unfortunately his trust is not so easily won and it is something only time is going to be able to prove.

I read this post the other day and it hit home. Cameron hurts himself when he gets upset. He hits himself, hits his head against the wall, scratches himself. I have never blogged about it before but it is something that has worried me a lot. The explanation given by the psychologist Nise saw makes so much sense. Cameron wounds easily. He takes rejection intensely personally. His self esteem isn’t as high as it could be and it is likely he could be hurting himself for similar reasons explained in her post :(

Kiara on the other hand talks. She talks non-stop. She talks about anything and everything. Honestly she does not stop.

The other night she was not sure if she was ready for a step dad but then decided she was when she realised  that her dads girlfriend could be her step mom. See in my childs life things need to balance – she can’t have a step dad without a step mom :)

She also asked me if we could please get married so we can get it over and done with :) She mentions it often. She accepts David but she needs the balance. If he is going to live with us we must be married. It’s how it is in her world :)

It is also an adjustment for us all sharing the discipline. They do battle when David reprimands them (which really isn’t often at all).  I battle with it. I have done it on my own for so long that when someone steps in to help it almost shocks me.

I have no doubt that once we are all co-habiting we will be faced with a whole new set of challenges!