Feb 25 2013

February Blog Challenge – my family

Introduce your family……

The family I live with…

David – the dad, fiance, provider, sexiness, head honcho

Cameron – child 1, oldest son, sporty, talented, pre-teen

Kiara – middle child, only girl, head in the clouds, special little person

Jack – toddler, whirlwind, chaos, cute

Lucy – dog! hold digger! plant destroyer! (but we are fond of her)

Becksie – bird, noise-maker, seed-spreader

Yogi – hamster, silent pet (my favourite)

Family we don’t live with…..

Granny Bev – my mom, sewer, grower of grapes and almonds

Oupa Rudi – my dad, silent, killer of scorpions

Jon – my brother, smart-ass

Nhin – my sister in law, she is also Aries – no more needs to be said about that then

Mae – my only niece – she is a closet Aries and resident cutie pie.

Granny Cynthia – David’s mom

Oupa Dirk – David’s step-dad

Andrew – David’s brother,, traveller, snowboarder

How big is your immediate family.

Jan 4 2013

A challenge for your family

I have tried not to be too OCD about the cleaning this holiday. I tidy up every day but do a proper clean every second day – floors, bathrooms etc. I actually really don’t mind it – 2 hours tops and it’s all done and then I know it’s done my way.

I conducted a small challenge of sorts with my little family a few days ago. Kiara has stickers on her wall – one is a crown – it’s about A5 size. Somehow it ended up on one of our stairs. These stairs are the only set of stairs from the top floor to the ground floor – in another words we ALL walk down them every single day a few times.

So I walk over the crown and decide to see how long it remains there. Now the sticker was brightly coloured and made from cardboard – so very visible.

Day 1 – sticker remains where it is.

Day 2 – sticker unmoved.

Day 3 – sticker still in the same spot.

True story this!

I know it is Kiara’s sticker so ultimately she should be responsible BUT I pick up stuff that’s out of place that doesn’t belong to me – you would think the other inhabitants of my house would too. Appears not

I eventually moved it this morning before it becomes unable to move.

In all fairness everyone has chipped in these holidays and helped out but these little things really fascinate me – I pile everyone’s shoes up at the bottom of the stairs, with the idea that they take them on their way up. LOL I have to remind them a few times before the shoes go up.

So here is the challenge – leave something on the floor and see how long your family leaves it there and then let me know!!!

Aug 31 2012

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure

Yesterday was a horrible day. It was emotionally draining.

I handled it wrong and once again I am reminded that how I react and how I respond sets the tone for how my family is going to respond. So when I loose control – they loose control. When I can’t cope – they can’t cope.

Yesterday afternoon did not go well. Cameron had a major meltdown when I said we were not attending the schools braai last night – it was not pretty. I handled it wrong.

BUT we got through it. He calmed down. I calmed down.

The sun set and it rose again this morning offering us a chance to try again.

My brother spoke to Cameron this morning. I have no idea what he said but whatever it was Cameron HEARD him and he was calm and pleasant again after the chat. I owe my brother a 6-pack or something because I have been trying and trying and getting nowhere.

I dropped them off at school and let it all go.

I paged through my huge recipe file from tech and made a list, took Jack to Pick n Pay and we shopped and then I baked!

It was just what I needed to regain some sort of sense of order in my head.

I still feel responsible for what happened. I need for figure out where I am going wrong and change what can be changed.

What I have learnt though is that you can not raise your children in isolation. You, as their parent, are responsible for them but you can not do it alone. You need aunts and uncles and grandparents and friends to help. The support I had from my friends and family through this is pretty much what carried me through. I am so grateful that I have them in my life and that my kids have them!! And for all my moaning about the school I have to say they were all incredibly supportive of both Cameron and I.

It was the hardest moment as a parent I have been through but I suspect it wont be the last.

Jul 16 2012

Family Photo

I will catch up properly later this week but I had to share this photo.

I took it before the seal show at Ushaka Marine World on Sunday. I love the total imperfection. Jack would not sit still despite David’s rather desperate attempts and I managed to capture the family behind us eating their ice creams!

May 8 2012

You are ugly! Well your nose is funny.

The kids are fighting A LOT at the moment.

They can not be near each other without one of them throwing an insult, pinching, whining or just being down right painful!

It is a rather rocky time for everyone. David is away and was away for 8 nights – Cameron doesn’t cope to well with him not being here and Kiara gets anxious at night.

Cameron is writing tests and hates studying – so him and I are bumping heads.

I am stressed about the op and the shop move and whats happening there so I am a little on edge.

Mix all that together and you get sibling fighting like no other.

I DO NOT KNOW what to do. I have no idea how to get them to stop!

This evening there were tears because Cameron changed the channel, then denied it so Kiara had to get up and change it back, Cameron then took her spot on the couch which resulted in her storming up to her room in tears!

This was about the 10 million incident since I got home 2 hours ago.

I am ready to ship them off to Angola with David!

Those of you with more than one how do you deal with the fighting?

Jan 10 2012

Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don’t unravel. ~Author Unknown

Just like that life is back to normal.

David is back at work today so everything is as it was before we left.

I don’t have much of value to say today. I am trying to get into a sort of routine now that I am working from the shop. My lack of planning resulted in a 10 minute gym session this morning – I actually am not sure I could have managed to more and it was nice to get my heart rate up a bit. Hopefully tomorrow I can make it 30 minutes.

Madri and I have spent the last 2 days rearranging the shop and it is now really looking lovely – I am very happy. We have a lot of very cool products arriving during the month which I am very excited about and hopefully we will start art classes soon as well

I must say I am missing having our families close by. I miss the hustle and bustle and noise they made. Dinner times are quiet now with just the 5 of us.

Last night was night 1 of our meat free week and it went well – David made the most amazing basil and tomato sauce – I didn’t even miss the meat.

That is pretty much all I have for you today

Whats happening in your world? Whats for dinner tonight?

Dec 29 2011

Christmas in Cape Town

I need to blog but I have no words so I shall entertain you with an update in bullet points.

We have had the most amazing weather here in the Western Cape. We have had clear and hot days – I have even braved the water a few times.
Jack has swum in the sea and loved it.
Kiara and Cameron have been tubing on the dam and have loved it. I don’t watch – it freaks me out watching my kids being hurled around by a boat around the dam. They think it is fantastic though.
Jack has been the perfect baby – in the DAY! Night times or early mornings are still rough.
Our Christmas Eve dinner was nothing short of epic – there was turkey, duck, lamb, gammon and tongue and a few veggies.
Our Christmas Day meal was just as epic – there was meat and meat and some more meat with a salad.
I received most of the presents on my list – David never disappoints at Christmas or Birthdays
The kids seemed happy with their gifts – well Cameron did after a bit of a sulk and not getting his mountain bike.
It was great spending time with my family – I love them madly but am a little concerned they are all loosing their marbles and fast.
David and I did the Robertson wine route – it was the first time either of us have done a wine route – it was fun Jack enjoyed it too.
We have over indulged EVERY SINGLE day – its rather embarrasing really and I am seriously considering becoming a vegetarian.
We have slept in and stayed up late.
We have been out on the dam on the boat.
We have played 30 seconds and laughed and laughed.

It really has been a really amazing holiday so far.

It has made me more determined to relocate to Cape Town as soon as we can. Our kids are missing out on their family. There cousins are all here. Our family is all here and seeing them once/twice a year really is not enough!!!

I trust you all are having a great time and Father Christmas spoilt you?

Oct 18 2011

People say the oddest things!

Just for any new readers and a refresher for old readers who don’t see me regularly – below is my family (also found here)

There is Cameron – he is 9 and his father and I are no longer together and he is coloured. (So in another words David is NOT related to him by blood)

Jackcameron

Then there is Kiara – she is 7 and has the same father as Cameron so is also coloured.

Kiara

Lastly is baby Jack – David is his dad (and I am his mom) which makes Cameron and Kiara his half siblings.

Jack

And then obviously there is David and I.

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So what is the point of this show and tell I hear you ask? Well see what is obvious to me is not so obvious to the rest of the world it appears.

I have been asked once in Cameron and Kiara’s lives if they were adopted – that’s ONCE in 7 years.

Jack is 4 months old and I have already been asked if HE is adopted once and on numerous occasions I have been asked if he is my baby.

Each time I am left speechless.

I am white – Jack is white – Cameron and Kiara aren’t so WHY would the obvious be that JACK is adopted?

The lady who said this to me saw my confusion and went on to say something along the lines of “adoption is no big deal and quiet common these days” – I am not so sure these ladies would think its no big deal but I just smiled at her and explained he was mine and walked away.

I have also been told on separate occasions by different people that Cameron and Kiara look like David – in fact someone actually said that Cameron was the spitting image of David? Really? LIKE REALLY?

Now I am not sure if people just say stuff for the sake of saying it? Or if they believe what they are saying.

It is pretty obvious when all 5 of us are together that we are not all from the same place and I honestly do not mind questions but silly comments and statements make me want to kick your shins and squish my ice cream on your forehead!

But what really prompted this post was this post by Melinda. I often find myself thinking (and saying) – well he/she gets that from you to David about something the kids have done and like Melinda when new drs ask questions about the kids I actually think about David’s side – I was aware of this when I recently completed Kiara’s OT forms and considered David’s behaviour/history.

I could actually put forward a very strong argument for the side of nurture in the whole nature vs nurture debate because I can see the older kids doing and saying and behaving more and more like David as the days go by.

Our family may not be joined to each other by blood but our bond is just as unbreakable and our love for each other just as real and lasting.

So we will suffer the stupid people’s questions for now

Jul 10 2011

Family Gratitude

This week I am extremely grateful for my family.

My mom has had the kids for the past 2 weeks. Its been an adjustment for us all – for 4 years we lived with my parents and now suddenly they are many miles away and a trip takes much planning and saving.

They have had a really great time.

I am so grateful for my parents for wanting to be such an active role in their grandchildren’s lives.

I am grateful that Jack, David and I got to spend some time as just the 3 of us. It was a very special 2 weeks and I am going to miss our calm chats on the bed after bath time while I feed.

I am grateful for my mother-in-law who arrived here on Friday afternoon (and is still here) and stayed with me the whole weekend. She cooked, cleaned and watched Jack and made me countless cups of tea, bought me glasses of water and litres of coke zero (all in the name of milk production ). I thought I would be ok with Jack on my own for 3 nights but after a really rough night one I was totally overwhelmed and Friday was by far the worst day I have had emotionally.

I am so grateful to her for being here.

The last 3 days the kids have been with David’s family in Villiersdorp at my favourite place in the world. David’s goal is to be rich – mine is to own the house at the dam (not any house THAT house). David’s aunt has been posting pictures on Facebook for us to see what they have been up to.

It has made me so happy and I am so extremely grateful for this family. They not only welcomed me into their home but this weekend welcomed my children. My kids don’t want to come home and I can not put into words how happy that makes me.

I think this picture sums it up perfectly.

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I am blessed. My family is blessed and I am very grateful to everyone I can call family.

Jan 14 2011

Faith, hope and love

I have a charm on my childhood charm bracelet with a heart, cross and anchor on it. It’s my favourite charm.

The cross is for faith, the anchor hope and the heart love. The three most important things in life.

When you become a single mom you hope that you will find a man who will not only love you but, at the very least, like your kids A LOT. It is a deal breaker and it’s a tough one.

If you find such a man you have to have faith that he will be willing to build a relationship with your children and that they will accept him and be willing to build the relationship as well.

Finally you have to have love. Love for him and obviously for the children too. Because without the love there is no faith or hope.

David is stubborn, probably more stubborn than me and I never thought that was possible. He does things his way regardless. When he decided he wanted in on my family I wanted it to be all white picket fences and holding hands and singing “We love you, you love me” in our cute little Barney voices as a family. I wanted this immediately. I wanted to know immediately that he would love the kids and they would love him!

You can’t force these things though, as hard as you try! I did try. I pushed and cried but David was adamant that their relationship would develop in their time and he was unwilling to force himself or them to do or feel anything.

So I sulked but I also stepped back. I let it go. I let him earn their trust and I let them test him and push his boundaries and they did, they still do.

It’s not always been easy – for any of us. As their mother watching them fight has to be the hardest thing ever. I want it to be all “we love you, you love us” but it’s not always like that and it’s not supposed to be. There are supposed to be fights and locking of horns and beating of chests and hierarchies established.

But then something happens and you realise that it worked and that while you may not have a Barney sing-a-long you have something better – you have 3 of the most amazing people singing along to a Tenacious D movie! You have a little girl running to her “bestest pal” and giving him a hug for now reason. You have a little boy asking if he can help paint kitchen cupboards!

What you have is all you ever wanted.

It was David’s birthday this week and I made a few little labels with reasons why we love him. I asked the kids for a reason each.

Kiara’s reasons were “he is kind to us and looks after us and does stuff with us”.

Cameron’s reason was “ he teaches us stuff”

I realised then that these things can’t be rushed. They happen in their own time but they do happen and when they do it is the most amazing thing to be apart of.

If you have faith, hope and love – you have pretty much all you need.