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The tired – it is in my soul

Siblings

You know how you hold it together until you don’t? You keep the balls in the air, the wheels turning, the mouths fed and then you stop, have a look and the balls are bouncing next to your weary slipper clad feet, the wheels have stopped and the fish fingers are burning. You stand there, too tired to even care. Not the tired that a nap will fix, the tired that has weaved it’s way into your soul. The tired that sits behind your eyes, making them heavy but unable to close. The tired that makes you want to sit in the puddle of chaos and just be because dealing with it, facing it, its just too much.

I had one of those moments yesterday.

I stood in my lounge, toys all over, a single slipper (there is always ONLY ONE), chocolate papers scrunched up on the couch, every single glass we own on every single open space downstairs. The toys were bursting out the toy room, not in a cute, pinterest sort of way but rather in “what the hell threw up in here” kind of way. The sink was over flowing, someone (or no one if you ask) left the cheese out, the lid off the rice cakes. Emma had unpacked the tupperware cupboard, Lucy’s bowl and parked her push car in the middle of the kitchen floor.

“Mom I am thirsty.”

Sounds like a simple enough request except it wasn’t. It was the millionth request for the day. The millionth demand on me, my time, my energy, my soul!

So I had the adult version of a tantrum. I ranted on for a while, told the kids what behaviour I expect and explained that life in a big family is not for the faint hearted and everyone needs to pull their weight. I am not their slave, I am their mother and while it is my job to look after them, a little bit of appreciation will go a long way! I don’t expect thank you’s or time out’s. I expect socks to be picked up, rooms to be presentable, toys to be looked after, sports gear to be respected. They were very good about it and the three of them promptly cleaned their rooms.

No one is to blame really, this is what it is to be a parent. We get so caught up in surviving, getting everyone through the day, through the exams, galas, dance competitions. When there is calm you suddenly realise how very tired you really are and how totally off course things have really gone.

What do you do though? Wallowing in your own self pity isn’t really an option is it? So you dust yourself off, put some clean socks on and try again.

The tired is still there though, inside my soul but for now it is hidden under the fluffy pjs, the growing pile of work, the schedules and the meal plans!

How was your weekend?

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12 Responses

  1. Totally have these moment -if there is any parent that doesn’t have these moments mmmm think they need to share their secret(drugs/wine). There are even some days when I feel I could just lock myself in the loo for some private me time -but the kids still find me there.

  2. I’ve often felt that tiredness in my soul – when functioning properly seems almost a luxury and the universe just seems to be taking as much as possible from you in a very short space of time.

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