Yesterday at our Christmas lunch I was chatting to a collegue who has just returned from maternity leave and she is having a rough time.
She didn’t “bond” immediately with her daughter, is feeling overwhelmed and as if she has no idea what she is doing.
I went through much the same as she did and when I was sharing my experience with her she asked me “WHY does no one talk about this?”
She is so right – no one does talk about how hard the first few months are. There is very little honest writing out there about the realities of having a new baby. The images we see are happy, smiling mommies and perfect babies attached beautifully to their breasts. It all looks so perfect.
The reality is that it’s NOT like that but no one wants to say that. We all joked about how we never got to pee or sleep or eat but it’s all said with a smile and joke and I never really understood until I went to the loo for the first time with my newborn firmly attached to me.
There were times when Cameron screamed and screamed that I wanted to close the door, put the TV really loud and not deal with it. Nothing had warned me about this. I have chatted on parenting forums and parenting blogs no one posts about having a crap time or wanting to run away and if they actually do everyone immediately says “shame” maybe see a Doctor. No one says YES I felt like that too – lets do lunch with Cosmopolitans and Martinis and we can vent a little.
WHY? Why aren’t we just honest about the fact that while it is the most amazing thing to have a child and be part of that process it is also the most frightening, hardest thing.
My colleague feels like she is failing. She feels her daughter will hate her. She is reading everything she can get her hands on and instead of that making her feel more at ease it is making her feel like more of a failure when actually she is doing just fine.
The Reluctant Mom wrote this post and we honestly need more posts like this. That tell us how it really is and prepare new moms so they create realistic expectations for themselves.
Why do you think we don’t talk about it?
Also go and share some thoughts on my post here