I received a book. It was a book about divorce.
I have never read a book on divorce. For two reasons – when I was newly seperated the days were dark and I was too self absorbed to want to read anything that told me how to be happy and adjusted. I was quiet happy being dysfunctional and emo.
Then when I came out on the other end shiny and bright, I still didnt want to read about divorce. I was happy now. I made it so what was the point of reading about it.
Then this mail came through asking if I would like a free copy of Jessica Brams Happily Ever After Divorce book. So I figured, well its free so why not. I have just completed it and it was an awesome read.
I started reading it in the halls of the maintenance court. The first ah-ha (and there were many) came on page 13 where she says “So I would remind myself at each weak, faltering, terrified, unsteady moment in my divorce, as I headed into an uncertain and what seemed at times to be a disastrous future, I cant go over it, I cant go under it, I’ve got to go through it” I was hooked. I didnt put the book down until it was finished.
She recounts her journey through a bitter divorce battle, life as a single mom, dating and what happens next.
It is raw and honest and real. Every page felt like it was my life she was describing, even though she was over 10 years older than me when she left and had been married for a lot longer. It was all still the same emotion, the same heartaches, the same fears.
I kept notes on pages I found relevant and meaningful but ended up marking every second pages so have picked a few parts that I want to share.
There is a part where she has just found out her friend is also getting divorced and the following happens.
” Congratulations” I blurted out.
Tears sprang to Marcellas eyes “You’re the only one who said that” she said “All everyone says is ‘I’m sorry’. And here I feel like I’m finally doing something I’ve been wishing for years to find the courage to do”
I felt like this! I HATED it when people said “shame are you ok” or “I am really sorry”. The breakdown of a marriage and a family isnt really to be celebrated but it was not something that signaled the end of the world. It was not something to be sorry about.
And this passage needs no further explanation. She was explaining sleeping alone here on her first trip away from home.
“I’m safe. The war is over…..
Claiming my own space was just the beginning. After all my years of straining my way through a troubled marriage, I now had my very life to myself. Suddenly, my days and nights were free of criticism. Free of sarcasm and innuendo. Free of conflict and complaint. In the place of all the conflict, there was silence – not an empty silence, but something rich and luxurious. A sweet nuturing silence enveloped me like a soft challis scarf around my shoulders”
Jessica went through a really ugly divorce fight that lasted a few years. They had money and the bulk of the fighting was about the money. She ends one of her chapters with this.
“When friends comment on the vast difference between my former husbands and my lifestyle, what I like to tell them is this: Yes, he ended up with most of the money. And I ended up rich”
AMEN TO THAT!
Her tales of dating are all to familiar.
“Sifting quickly through the scores of men whose profiles said that their idea of a perfect date was ‘holding hands while walking on the beach’ (so common was this, one wonders why they beaches are not a lot more crowded at sunset with middle aged pairs)..”
I read this sitting in the sports field watching school boy soccer and literally laughed out loud. Which lead to an unstoppable laugh. All on my own I say laughing so hard at the memory of the “hand holding” profiles I had read and fell for.
Jessica finds love – true, deep, meaningful love.
She ends her book with these words
“Call me anything, but please dont call em “divorced”. And dont call me unhappy”
There are a few more topics that hit home for me but they warrant posts of their own 🙂
Is definately worth the read!