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I “instinct” parent

There has been much talk recently about styles of parenting and what not. I have been trying to figure out what I do and how I parent.

My biokineticist has a 7 month old baby and every time we have an appointment she asks my advise about something – feeding, bottles, nappies etc. I really don’t mind but this morning when she has asked me about her feeding routine with baby I said to her “I really am not the best person to ask advise about this stuff because I just wing it 98% of the time” to which she replied “I think you are the best person because you don’t think to much about it all, it comes naturally to you”

HA! If only she knew!

The thing is I wasn’t any more or less paranoid when I had Cameron, I never sterilized everything a million times (or even once some days). I never read books about it all. I just did it. I asked my mom or the clinic sister when I wasn’t sure but for the most part I just wing it.

Maybe I am just lazy and should read more or research more or whatever but so far it has worked out ok (if you forget that my kid nearly ran away).

I follow my instincts a lot (which really bugs David because he is all about the logic and reasons for things and often my reason is “It feels wrong/right”) and figure I know my kids best so I know what will work or not. I know if they are sick for real or not. While I like routine I am not bound by it – so Jack snacks if he feels like it – there is no set snack time, he sleeps when he seems tired, he has a bottle when he wants one. I don’t rush them to the Dr – often much to their disgust when they are convinced they are one step away from deaths door but you kinda know when your kid is sick or fake sick.

They have chores, they have responsibilities, they are taught boundaries and consequences and what not. But I find teaching them through experience works a whole lot better than teaching through telling. I spent 2 weeks telling Kiara she can’t spend her money on rubbish because then it will be gone and she will want something important and she won’t have any money left. Eventually I told her she can spend the money BUT she must understand when it’s gone it’s gone. So money is gone and the Travelling Bookshop arrives and school and her bff whips out her debit card to spend away and Kiara can’t – she got in the car and said “mom you were right” – HA!

The only thing I am “strict” about is bed time – all children must be in bed by 19h00 – they older 2 don’t have to sleep but I don’t want to hear or see them. It is my time and they must be quiet and calm.

I still don’t know how I parent – maybe those of you who know me and know about different parenting styles can offer some suggestions? What I do know though is that whatever approach it is it is not always easy or fun. Most days it requires every ounce of energy I have in me and other days not so much!

What I can say though is mom’s need to learn to trust themselves more. You are the only ones who know your children. You are the only ones who know what is right for your family. Trust that!

PS – I see no one is commenting any more – are you guys reading through your readers? Or whats the story? PLEASE don’t apologise for it I am just curious as to why the stats still say you are all coming here but no one is saying much – am I boring you??



  1. 21 September, 2012 / 1:21 pm

    Hey Lara Kim

    You not boring. Love to hear your take on things. As for instinct parenting I like that. I tried to follow all the books and nothing worked so now I to parent this way. I find it works for me


  2. 21 September, 2012 / 1:22 pm

    I will comment….

    I am not sure what my style is either, but for the 1st 18months it was strictly “by the book” or by quite a few different books. Strict routine and all. After 18months I just started winging it. Both worked for me at the time.

  3. 21 September, 2012 / 1:37 pm

    I do batch commenting about three times a week which is why you’ll see 2 to 3 comments at a time on any given evening and NO, you are not boring already!
    My style changes on any given day depending on the child and the circumstances/environmental factors but I would say that I lean mostly towards “Instinct” parenting.
    My kids are different so books don’t work for us. I do read though because there may be SOMETHING that can work for us – even if it is something really small.

  4. 21 September, 2012 / 3:30 pm

    You’re not the only one which just wing it. I did it too and still do. I do ask for advice but I still just wing it.
    Oh wow! And here I thought I was a strict parent by letting my children go to bed at 20h00 every night, no exceptions. I’m not criticizing you at all, it’s just interesting to see someone else doing it different (or more stricter) than me.
    I don’t read through my reader as for some reason Google tells me that it can’t find any feeds. So I come to your blog once a day or when I see an update on your Facebook page. So don’t stop blogging

  5. 21 September, 2012 / 8:32 pm

    Well, I started out reading TONS of books (I think 18 in the first year) and then I read Motherstyles and I stopped and relaxed into my parenting awesomeness ๐Ÿ™‚

    I would LOVE to know what your motherstyle is – will you tell me?

    Now I ask advice if I’m stuck but I still do what I think is best. And I mainly treat new things like science experiments (it’s my strong S) ๐Ÿ™‚ Thing is with twins – one always behaves like the control and the other does his/ her own thing, and the control child changes hourly ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. 25 September, 2012 / 10:28 am

    Amen to all of that, you know your children best so you know what they need. There is no such thing as a text book child as far as I can tell, so by default there is no one true way to raise a happy child either.

    I am not bored with your writing, just to hell and gone behind in my reading. Sorry…

  7. deborah
    25 September, 2012 / 10:54 am

    i think most of us go on instinct with the kids I must say with the second i am a lot mre relaxed. I do stick to a bedtime routine though.

  8. 25 September, 2012 / 11:24 am

    I’ve always thought that you’re supremely organised and together as a parent, compared to me!

    We really should get together more. Really really!

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