Is this my new body?

Self Love| HarassedMom

During a PE swimming lesson at high school one of my classmates came up to me said “You have lost weight, you have a gap between your thighs.” It broke down my already fragile self confidence a little more and I still judge my “thin-ness” by the gap between my thighs. I have had issues with my body pretty much since I can remember. I was always the chubby chick. I have always had rolls in all the wrong places. My tummy has always been too big. I have done weigh-less, I have used drops and potions and I even once went on those machines that jiggle away your fat.

But here I am a few months away from 40, still overweight, still wondering if the thigh gap is only reserved for a select few! About two year years ago I reached my Weigh-Less goal weight and I felt awesome. Then life happened and I turned to food to make it all better. The more Emma cried the more I ate. The less money we had, the more food I ate. The more stressed David become, the more I ate. The more issues my kids had, the more I ate. Every time a client left, the more I ate.

I pretty much ate, non-stop. 

If you have ever done Weigh-Less before you will know it works on portion control – you can have 3 carbs, 2 proteins etc. Well I stuck to those numbers, sort of. I cut the loaf of bread in half and counted it as one carb. The mince piled high on my spaghetti was one protein. The dried fruit covered in sugar was a fruit.

Needless to say, this is not how Weigh-Less works, it’s actually not really how any diet works to be honest. My pants started getting tighter, my arms started wobbling, my pretty short shorts were now obscene and I had to buy a bigger belt. 

Life is slightly easier now so I am trying to focus on what I eat and avoid the bad choices but the weight will not budge. I am slowly started to wonder if the fact that I am fast approaching 40 is contributing to this.Self love|HarassedMom

Also, for the first time, I am kinda ok with the muffin top. Well no that’s not right, I am not ok with it, I am accepting that these extra few kgs may be a new part of me. I like to eat. I like apple crumble and hot bread with butter and cheese. I love cookies and chocolate. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life weighing and counting and feeling bad about everything I put in my face but I also don’t want to buy a bigger size pair of jeans.

I don’t like gym. I love yoga and I will get back into my yoga routine but I don’t want to do more than that. I don’t want to cycle until I can’t breathe. I don’t want to pick up weights and lung across the gym. No I am not going to learn to love it because I have done it enough to know I do not want to do it. 

So here I am at a crossroad with myself – to eat or not to eat. Or maybe the question is rather to learn to accept or not? I wish accepting yourself was as simple as stating “I accept myself” but it is not. It is a process. It appears that the process is called “You are almost 40, the weight doesn’t fall off as easily anymore.”

In light of this I am considering starting a 40s diet that includes cake, chocolate, burgers and camembert cheese! What do you think?

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5 Comments

  1. 6 November, 2017 / 2:46 pm

    Did I write this?? Sounds like it!! I’m 40 in March and I feel your pain! xx

  2. 7 November, 2017 / 5:28 am

    Oh Laura I so hear you on this! I am also approaching 40 next year. I have been eating my emotions & too many take aways. I too don’t want to buy new jeans or clothes, I can’t afford it anyway! I decided to do something about it by joining a lovely bunch of ladies doing bootcamp, because if I exercise on my own it will not get done. And I realised how much more you push yourself in a group πŸ˜‚ That and I am now trying out slimming supplements for the first time in my life… something I definitely did not think I would be doing… ever! I think it is all about balance and yes, a lot about accepting yourself and knowing yourself enough to do so.

    As for your diet… If I don’t lose this extra padding by 40 I am going to join you… along with my new mom jeans! 😘
    Victoire recently posted…How to be present and my Les Fleurs de Bach surprise!My Profile

  3. Chan
    8 November, 2017 / 7:24 am

    It’s the 40 thing! I turned 37 this year and it’s like my metabolism changed overnight, struggling to lose 2kg whereas before it would have dropped off in two weeks if I tried. sucky sucky!!!! I’d say don’t give up your treats and what you enjoy, we’re all going to die soon enough so enjoy it, just don’t go overboard and have stuff everyday and too much of it when you do.

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