I have had this post roaming around in my head since last week. Trying to decide whether or not to share it. So many people leave comments here, on Facebook and tell me in person how they think I am a super mom. People ask me every day how I do it. There are even a few who say they admire me. Well the truth is, right now I feel like I am crumbling under the pressure of parenting. I feel like I am wondering in swamp of murky water – you think you know what you feel as you wade through the water but then you lift your hand up and it’s totally not what you expected it to be. It is something much worse. Instead of getting into the boat that passes, you are adamant that you can deal with it all on your own. It will get better you tell yourself. The water will get clearer.
I am not sure it does. Not at the moment anyway.
A friend said to me this morning “you know it is a phase, it will pass.” I sighed because I do know it but I am not sure I believe it at the moment.
I admitted on Tuesday night that we need help with Emma. This was after she slammed every door in the kitchen, threw milk all over the floor, scratched a hole in my arm and screamed so loud the windows shook. I can’t even remember what set it off. It doesn’t really matter I suppose because at the moment anything sets it off. We will all be sitting together watching TV and she will walk over and attack Jack. For no visible reason.
I am not going to go into detail but we have tried pretty much everything we can think of but we are out of our depth. She is not a bad child at all, clearly there is something going on. Something bigger than her and us.
Maybe it is just a phase. Maybe being the baby in a larger family is just too much for her. Maybe school is not stimulating her enough. Maybe she has sensory issues. The maybe’s are endless, trust me I have been through them all a million times.
I wish these issues were the only one’s I was dealing with but with four children of very different ages there are bound to be numerous issues, all at the same time. So this is one of the issues on my already over flowing parenting plate. This is, however, the only one I can blog about.
So today I am letting you all know I don’t have it together. I am not doing it all. The balls I juggle all day every day are lying on the floor in a pile. Maybe I will pick them up tomorrow and try again!
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