I have never really had an issue with leaving my children with family or friends I trust. From about a year, when they didn’t need me so much or require four hourly feeds, they all had sleep overs at granny and the older two have both had numerous sleep overs at friends houses.
Disclaimer – while they have both enjoyed sleep overs, I don’t just say yes to any and all invites, it is generally people I know and trust.
The older two spent the July holidays with my folks for the first time about 4 years ago when they first moved there. It allowed me a chance to bond with Jack, who was a teeny tiny newborn back then and they got to have a really great holiday. They have gone to my mom every year since then, I went with last year and the year before but this year Jack and Kiara went alone. Jack is just four and my mom was a little concerned, as I suspect are many of you, that he would cope without me for 2 weeks. I wasn’t too worried, he was with Kiara and he enjoys being there as much as she does.
I think it is important for the children, their grandparents and me to have these types of holidays, especially since my folks don’t live close by, so these holidays really are the only time they get to spend with the kids.
I know that a lot of parents prefer to keep all their chickens in the roost but sometimes this does more damage than good.
1. This past week I have really enjoyed having some uninterrupted time with Emma. Cameron is here but he gets on with his own thing so Emma and I can enjoy some one-on-one time that we do not get when all four of them are here. The same applied to Jack the first year he was born, I was able to spend 3 weeks adjusting to having a baby again.
2. I trust my parents and Davids mom to look after all of them. Unless you lucked out in the parent department or your parents are a lot older, then I don’t see how you could not trust your parents? My parents managed to raise my brother and I and Davids mom his brother and him, I think they all have a pretty good idea of what they are doing. Sometimes we have to ask that things are done in a certain way but you know what if your kid has ice cream for dessert every night for a week at granny’s – so what? Its a few weeks out of the year, it really is not going to cause much damage.
3. The bond between grandparents and grandchild is important. My kids are lucky enough to have two sets of grandparents who want to spend time with them. It is not always possible for me to up and leave and spend a care free weekend on the beach and sometimes I just don’t want to go with.
4. I am not going to lie but I also really enjoy the break! This particular holiday has been nice. I have had all four, just one and then two. It also allows David and I a chance to catch up and reconnect and not have to run through schedules and commitments at warp speeds in between putting kids to bed, work and the general evening chaos.
5. They are creating memories. Jack went to Afriski with Davids mom last year, he still talks about it and while the memory may fade, he will always have the photos to remind him of how he went skiing and 3 years old.
Being separated from your children is not easy, I do miss them terribly and am very excited to have all my chicks back in the basket tomorrow afternoon. That said, this time we have a part is not a bad thing, it is not damaging them nor do they feel like they have been abandoned by David and I or sent to granny because we don’t want them.
Loosening the chord between you and your child is a part of life, letting them experience things without you is important for them.
Do your children spend extended periods of time away from you?
6 Responses
The girls have had sleepovers at their grandparents several times. We left Angie with my parents for a weekend once when I was pregnant with Emmy. I’m not sure I’m ready to let them have a holiday without us, though. 🙂
Melanie recently posted…Fruit of the Spirit: Faithfulness
thank you for writing about this topic. I also beleiv that the letting go is good for the kids. Just recently my husband went on a 7 days trip to celebrate our anniversary and left both kids with my mom in law and their amazing nanny. I missed them but it’s good for them.
Portia Lindi mogale recently posted…#MOTIVATIONALFRIDAY: Guarding your peace against the foolish
Kaylin spent a week at her Granparents in May. They all had an amazing time. She’s fine and they all coped just fine. I will do that again
I’d probably do it too if I had the opportunity – but it’s harder for me somehow. Having said that I really do need the break every now and then!
Heather recently posted…Becoming Separate: Individuation and Us.
I’m pretty much in agreement with all of your points above.
We sometimes – on rare occasions – send the kids to visit David’s parents but they can only manage two at a time and since my mom lives with us, sending them to her isn’t an option…
We allowed Megan to spend 3 weeks with a friend over the December holidays last year and it was fine but I don’t think we’ll do that again soon. It’s just that bit too long and I was beyond anxious about having my child travel long distance with other people…
MeeA recently posted…When the Going Gets Rough
Well, there’s two things. The letting go… and the having people want to have your kids stay 🙂
The first is difficult for me, I know you know this, but I may get used to it more if there was opportunity.
These 3 nights were the longest I’ve spent apart since NYC in 2012, and that was the first time since birth.
Marcia (123 blog) recently posted…Stories of the tooth fairy