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Star Chart Success But Now What?

As a parent, I have had a bit of a love/hate relationship with star charts, they have worked and then they haven’t and some kids respond but others have removed stars and handed them back to me so that they can misbehave. About a month ago Jack just refused to get ready for school. We were shouting, dragging, bribing and some mornings even leaving him. It is a horrible way to start the day and I was over it. So I suggested a star chart to him which meant that Emma also needed in on the action.Start chart success | HarassedMom

The deal was that if he got dressed without a fight then he would get a sticker.

Every night Emma runs into his room after David reads the story and it drives Jack mad, he convinced her that if she doesn’t run into his room she would get a sticker.

The challenge was set!

We broke it down into a 10 day and 20 day reward.

Ten days of stickers in a row and they get to go to Burger King.

Twenty days of stickers in a row and they each get to pick a toy.

Monday was Day 20 and yesterday we took them to buy their toys. I was reminded why I never (and I mean NEVER) take my kids to toy shops. That aside I think we did ok. Emma did some really remarkable negotiating. For someone who can’t add past 1+1, she knows how to wrangle a lot of toys into her R200 budget!

All in all the star chart was a success!

But now what? Emma isn’t really too fussed and is over running into Jacks room but he is trying to get us to start the chart again for the same thing. 

I am not sure that that is how it is supposed to work? 

I was chatting to Nikki earlier and she said she doesn’t want to reward her kids for every day things like manners or in my case, getting ready for school without a fight. I completely agree with that. We have now done it for 21 days, he can do it and I think, as a parent, he must do it because it is the right thing to do? It might not be what he wants to do but that’s life and sometimes you just have to do stuff because it needs to get done!

What are your thoughts on this? Do I create a never ending reward chart just to get my son to get dressed in the morning or must he now just do it? 

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  1. Sherry
    16 May, 2018 / 4:17 pm

    Having a similar love hate relationship….it works and then it doesn’t. We are still trying to get to 20 mark and the novelty wears off.

    • Laura-Kim
      16 May, 2018 / 5:14 pm

      Yes Emma lost interest early on. Maybe we should make the goals sooner?

      • Sherry
        16 May, 2018 / 6:09 pm

        I think 10 is more attainable but then they want to do everything and anything to get stars and you get to 10 so quickly. Love or hate them they do work but just not continuously. It helped me so much with potty training! Behaviour is a whole nother ballgame!

  2. 16 May, 2018 / 7:29 pm

    We have started a marble jar system very similar to stars focusing on positive behaviour and even expected things to create a more habit forming system. Maybe try do more immediate things for Emma as Miss K also can’t do long term or perhaps change it up first challenge was stars, next one could be a colour graph that gets at the end of the picture being coloured a rewards gets put in place or the next day a treat.
    I’m rambling now x
    Good luck
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  3. 17 May, 2018 / 9:32 am

    I used to do the reward thing, but rewards start to get old after a while and they then need to get bigger. I have explained that some things just need to get done because I say so, no negotiations involved, no rewards. And some things will get rewarded, but I have my own secret system. I also take the time to explain my expectations in situations. Swimming: you sit on the step and wait your turn. If you don’t listen I take away 30 minutes game time. Swimming is important to me.
    I will buy a lost school item once, after that you will have to miss out on the sport because I will not replace gear. It just gets too expensive.
    If you lose essential school items, I will start to penalize screen time.
    Shopping: you will walk next to me, and I also explain before we get in, that there will be no treats. We can walk into toy shops just to look.
    This authority did not come easy. You have to be hard when sometimes you just want to give in. I have walked out of shops leaving a full trolley to make my point. I have walked out with a screaming child and bared the looks and judgement, but I do exactly what I said I would.
    I think it is like cry-it-out…some can do it, some can’t…and you just have to do what works in your family, whether it is star charts or whatever.

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