I have had these deep sense of sadness the past few weeks. Not an unhappiness because I am happy but rather the sadness that comes with loss. Not the loss of your favourite pair of ear rings but the deep sense of loss when a friend leaves your life. Not leaves as in you fight and break up but when they physically leave you and no longer are a part of your daily life.
I think it has been what has cause my writers block because I have had this post in my head for weeks now but have not had the words for it. I miss writing, I miss blogging so it is time to face it.
This year was my second year on the Santa Shoebox committee. We are a small committee – I think around 10 ladies (and a man) who are actively involved in the organising of the Pretoria area. We have, by default in many cases, become friends. When you spend 4 stressful days trying to collect 6500 boxes, pack them, scan them, sort them you do learn things about people you wouldn’t normally. But like with any situation some become closer than others. Bonds are formed and friendships made.
As you all know, friendships don’t come easily to me, so I tend to guard the ones I do make, especially now, closely. It may have been the fact that Suzanne and I both have 4 kids (she has 5 actually). Or the fact that we were both single moms. It could have been the fact that she understands when I say I am having to do some extreme budgeting this month. Or maybe it is just the fact that we both are outspoken cows!
Whatever it was, we become friends. Good friends.
Suzanne is from the UK, she has only been here 4 years and when we met she often mentioned there was a chance they would have to relocate at some point but “some point” is always “some point”. But a few months it ago it become “January 2015” then it become December 2014 and then suddenly she is leaving on Sunday to start the move.
I am incredibly sad that she is leaving.
When I was struggling emotionally with Emma earlier this year, I message her on a particularly bad day. She replied “Right I am coming over to clean, hold Emma, whatever you need”. She never came round because I had moms and babes that day but the fact that she offered that meant so much because I think she is the only one in my every day life who fully understands what it is like dealing with four kids and a husband that is away at times.
I can say to her “Emma doesn’t like me” and she replies “Yeah I had one of those too, he was two before he liked me”
She doesn’t sugar coat things. There is no feeling sorry or wallowing in self pity – there is “yeah it sucks now make me some coffee please”.
I truly believe we all need a friend like that.
But now she is leaving South Africa to start a new adventure in Dubai and I am very excited for her but also sad!
I am sad I am losing a person who has come to mean a lot to me.
I know we will stay in touch and I know she will be back to harass everyone at drop off next year but it is not the same.
I am sad. Very sad!
That is all.