Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure

Yesterday was a horrible day. It was emotionally draining.

I handled it wrong and once again I am reminded that how I react and how I respond sets the tone for how my family is going to respond. So when I loose control – they loose control. When I can’t cope – they can’t cope.

Yesterday afternoon did not go well. Cameron had a major meltdown when I said we were not attending the schools braai last night – it was not pretty. I handled it wrong.

BUT we got through it. He calmed down. I calmed down.

The sun set and it rose again this morning offering us a chance to try again.

My brother spoke to Cameron this morning. I have no idea what he said but whatever it was Cameron HEARD him and he was calm and pleasant again after the chat. I owe my brother a 6-pack or something because I have been trying and trying and getting nowhere.

I dropped them off at school and let it all go.

I paged through my huge recipe file from tech and made a list, took Jack to Pick n Pay and we shopped and then I baked!

It was just what I needed to regain some sort of sense of order in my head.

I still feel responsible for what happened. I need for figure out where I am going wrong and change what can be changed.

What I have learnt though is that you can not raise your children in isolation. You, as their parent, are responsible for them but you can not do it alone. You need aunts and uncles and grandparents and friends to help. The support I had from my friends and family through this is pretty much what carried me through. I am so grateful that I have them in my life and that my kids have them!! And for all my moaning about the school I have to say they were all incredibly supportive of both Cameron and I.

It was the hardest moment as a parent I have been through but I suspect it wont be the last.